Wednesday, January 30, 2013


On a whim of impulsive, angry, frustration I deleted my blog on December 13, 2012.
I kind of liked it at first because I felt free from telling my story whether good or bad.
I felt like I had nothing to share anyway and who was listening?
But then I realized the reason I had the blog really was for me(and my daughter) and to write down my thoughts in this life as a memoir.
I really don't care if people read it or not...ok...well I do care if people read it because what is life without connections and relationships?
Just a chaotic fusion of narcissism and work!!

I live my life wanting and having purpose in all I do. I think I was starting to lose that and lose myself. I went into a state of depression and allowed myself to think that the things I enjoy and do really aren't necessary. But the truth is if I AM who God made me to be then I will help other people BE who He made them to be! :) We are all unique and we all have talents, gifts and abilities that help one another. No one of us is better than the other. I know people want to be better than others and I've had that thought creep in my mind with running paces and other selfish ventures but why do we want to be better than other people? What does that say about us? What do we accomplish by being better? Being better is really a matter of opinion because it is within our mind that we judge whether we are better than others or not and the basis in which we judge is by our own merit. I'm not saying that all people are this way all the time but I do believe it happens to each one of us in our life whether we admit it or not. Thinking good of and helping others is a choice and it's a choice we all must make. I like to examine my motives as to why I do something, the questions I ask myself are: is it self-serving to me? do I want them to like me? do I feel obligated to do something or hang out with someone and therefore loathe my time with them? do I really listen to what they say or am I too anxious to speak myself?
The real purpose in hanging out with each other is to share and take interest in others and to help and encourage them along their race of life. We can't always expect to get what we want for ourselves out of our relationships. We must give first and take second.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
                                                                                                           Ephesians 4:2

My husband says I over-analyze everything and he has a point. But God gave me this analytical brain to ask these questions and to change and grow and be better. I don't feel like I am really alive unless I am growing into who I am and being who God created me to be. While I am growing into who He made me to be I can help others be who God made them to be because He can use me as an instrument to inspire others to ponder who He created them to be. It may be through this blog, it can be through a friendship, it could be someone I meet randomly at the grocery store, really anything is possible!
Bottom line: Don't give up on who you are!! BE who God created you to BE!!
Others may not like it and some may despise you but most people will be inspired to be who they are instead of an imitation.
Don't allow others choices to hinder you from being who God created you to be.
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..." 1Timothy 6:12
Don't allow discouragement and despair to set in...keep going...